Review of I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics

Publishers Weekly April 23rd, 2019

Psychotherapist and podcaster Safer (The Golden Condom) offers empathetic and sanity-saving advice on navigating the mine fields of political conversation. Safer, a liberal Democrat married to a conservative Republican, shares plenty of hard-won tips from her own life, notably not raising one’s voice, not discussing politics under the influence of alcohol, and, perhaps most apropos in the age of Facebook, not sending a partner unsolicited partisan articles or links on contentious topics. Cautionary tales of relationships gone awry are sprinkled throughout, including a story about female best friends who nearly ended their longtime friendship over a Trump-Hillary debate, and screaming fights between a liberal mother and her conservative teenage son. Safer encourages readers to examine their own motivations for discussions, and realize that most political fights in intimate relationships are not about politics but about a compulsion to change dissimilar views to align with one’s own. She also advises readers to use humor to defuse hostility and to work to understand the viewpoints of others. This insightful, well-reasoned book will help readers negotiate the political differences in their relationships with the people they love most.